Friday, December 31, 2010


Is there a long-lasting grudge or estrangement between you and someone you once loved?

Maybe it's a family member. Or a long-time friend. Or a co-worker with whom you have differed.

Today may be a perfect time -- end of the old year, beginning of the new -- to reach out and start to heal the hurt feelings or anger or cool distance between you.

What's holding you back? Feeling you've been wronged and are owed an apology? Start the healing by making the first gesture toward reconciliation. Maybe what drove you apart happened so long ago, who was wronged doesn't much matter anymore.  Maybe the pain of losing this person in your daily life supersedes the pain that caused the estrangement. Maybe the burden of maintaining distance has become an obstacle to your own happiness and peace.

Today is a perfect time to take a step toward peace.

In many instances, it's so much harder to say "I love you" or "I miss you" than it is to express angry righteousness or blame.  In therapy, clients are most likely to break into tears when expressing love. The tears mean so many things -- relief, grief over lost time, tenderness, joy.  

It's very hard to say "I'm sorry" and the old chestnut about "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is so wrong.  Being the first to say "I'm sorry" is loving and brave.  It's much easier to sit back and wait for another to make everything right again. But you can wait forever.

So do the brave and loving thing today.  It may be more personally rewarding than you can imagine -- and a great way to wrap up this year and start the new on a positive note of reconciliation, hope and peace.

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