An Emotional Survival Guide to Covid-19: Caring and Calm Amidst the Chaos

As the toll of Corvid-19 climbs alarmingly around the world, there are sights that can't be unseen and words that can't be unheard such as:

• Crowds of shoppers battling in the aisles of big box stores for dwindling supplies of toilet paper and bottled water, oblivious to store managers calling for peace and civility 
• Bare shelves stripped of sanitizers, cleaning supplies, paper products and bottled water.
• Crowds of young people, feeling invulnerable to the virus or simply not caring, packing bars, pubs and restaurants in cities across the nation, offering an unparalleled opportunity for the virus to spread among these healthy young people to be carried on to the elderly and otherwise vulnerable.
• Political and generational divisions spawning verbal ugliness -- from contentions that the virus is simply a media hoax to the belief that the virus' penchant for killing more older people is just punishment for those loathsome Boomers 
• Wealthy people retreating to their doomsday shelters in old missile silos or to remote vacation homes
• People buying guns in record numbers...to protect themselves from each other.

It's time to calm down and accept one central fact: we're all in this together.

People of all ages, ethnicities, professions and social standings have become ill from Covid-19. While the elderly and those with underlying health issues are most at risk for serious illness and death in this pandemic, Covid-19 affects us all in terms of health and loss, disruption of work, income and lifestyle. These are scary, trying, uncertain times.

It all makes me think of an earlier time when panic reigned: the Cuban Missile Crisis in October 1962 when the world teetered on the brink of nuclear war and those of us in our teens feared we would never live to see young adulthood. People were hunkering down in backyard bomb shelters, hoarding canned goods and threatening to shoot anyone who intruded. It was my introduction to a very real sense of mortality and to the worst of humanity.

My Aunt Molly, a professional writer and award winning poet, wrote a poem back then about that "I've got mine, screw you!" bunker mentality that crisis inspired over half a century ago. Her poem was originally published in The Antioch Review.

You Can't Take It with You But You Can Always Bury It Alive

by

Elizabeth C. McCoy

Native rock and chemical toilet,

Air intake wary as a crone counting change

In an alien currency.

Dehydrated food and canned water

Sufficient for one for seven days.

$6.98 on special.

Mine.

And you needn't expect...

Well...see! You've smudged

That page I like to read over and over

All about Walden.

You've....shhhhh!

How can it be just a gopher?

Nothing can get through to you now

Except the faintest taste and smell of fear

If you hadn't forgotten the Air Wick.

If he comes,

If anyone comes,

Shoot.

All these years later, we can do better.

These are different times to be sure. The menace is a viral pandemic, unsparing and unstoppable. How can we begin to get a grip and to realize that, while life must change at least for now, we can find ways to be okay, to be happy, to be kind to each other despite our concerns?

1. Don't let your panic get in the way of compassion and reason. Those feral shoppers stripping shelves of necessities we all need have let panic and selfishness cloud their judgment. For all of our well-being, hand sanitizer should be available to all, not just a few who are hoarding a 20 year supply or have enough toilet paper to bequeath to great grandchildren. When Bob and I were making a regular supermarket trip the other day, finding that food supplies were still quite abundant though paper goods and bottled water shelves were bare, we saw a woman at the checkout counter with SIX shopping carts overflowing with everything imaginable --from cleaning supplies to cookies. She looked like she was headed for a 10-year hibernation. Cultivate a spirit of enough. What you have will be enough. Make supplies last. Stretch meals. Improvise. You'll be fine. Faced with the coronavirus, running low on toilet paper will be the least of your problems.

2. See lifestyle changes through a positive lens -- as an opportunity to learn and to grow. Most of us live hectic lives built around routines that keep us away from loved ones, hobbies and relaxation. Working from home and losing the commute, having more time with family and with pets can be a welcome change in your daily routine. If you're off work as a result of business shut downs, this time off can be worrisome indeed. However, this pause in your work life can also be an opportunity. One friend, who worked as a bartender, says that losing her job has been a blessing of sorts. "I hated my job so much!" she told me. "But I wouldn't have left anytime soon. The money was too good and I wasn't sure what I would do next. Now I have more time and incentive to consider what I really want to do with  my life and plan a way forward." 

3. Limit your anxiety time.  Switching off the constant drone of dire news, taking a break, is good for your mental health. Yes, the crisis is very real. But, as long as you have good and accurate information and are doing the best you can to protect yourself and your family, obsessing about the pandemic and binge watching 24 hour news isn't useful or healthy. Lose yourself in a novel or in some of your favorite music. Short meditations, deep breathing, exercise, thought stopping can all help to keep a balanced view of the situation and to review your alternatives with a clear mind. 

4. Embrace gratitude. Consider what you have rather than what you've lost. Be grateful for a home in which to cocoon and for the people you love -- those who are with you at home and those who keep in touch from a distance. Be grateful for the embrace of a partner when you're in the grip of fear and uncertainty. Be grateful for the warmth of your animal friends. My three-legged black cat Ollie has started lying on my chest, his front paws around my neck, purring loudly. It's an incredible comfort. Be grateful for your interests and passion that you now may have more time to pursue. And be grateful for your good health so far. Being healthy overall may help to protect you against the worst ravages of this pandemic. 

5. Strengthen community and familial ties. Offer to help, keep in touch, check up on others, tap your inner kindness and compassion. You may realize how much nearby others mean. I've come to appreciate that in advance of the pandemic through my disability in the wake of my January accident when neighbors like Marsha, Vicki and Kelly brought meals over, when my neighbor Sherry dropped by with warm encouragement and just now, when Kelly appeared at our front door, keeping a safe distance, and handing us a bag of chocolate chip cookies warm from the oven. And I recently got a call from the wife of a young client of mine asking if she could do grocery shopping, pick up prescriptions for us or do anything else that would help to keep us safe. My brother Mike sends funny, insightful and loving messages from afar. My friend Georgie in Tennessee sent me a painting she imagined (correctly!) would cheer me up and keeps in touch with frequent messages. My friend Tim keeps me smiling with sweet emails, pictures, jokes and warm reassurance. His daughter Mary Kate calls with words of encouragement and love. My friend Mary, sidelined with her own disabling injuries and in a care facility for at least another month, sends me messages that are often as simple as "I love you!" Think about your own circles of family and friends. Whose day could you brighten with a call or text? What would you like to say to those you love most right now? Reach out now. Say what you would like to say...maybe something you've never said before.

6. Rediscover old pleasures.  Bring out the board games and jigsaw puzzles. Try song fests in the living room, the shower or out the window(see Italy!). Write letters to those you love. Take time to journal. Rediscover the joy of gardening or the simple pleasure of tidying up. Get creative and make some meals from scratch, enjoying the deliciousness of old recipes.

7. Express love fully -- and often. Tell others how you feel in writing, online, over the phone, with warm hugs. I've had the joy in the past few days to hear from a variety of people in my life -- from my brother Mike who speculates that the Tooth Fairy let his daughter down the other night -- possibly due to self-isolating or due to needing a federal bailout. And he added "I love you" to his text; from my lifelong friend Sister Rita McCormack, who befriended my brother and me when we were young, scared and abused, and who called to say she loved us still and always; fun and loving emails from my friends Tim and Mary; and a call from Tim's wonderful daughter Mary Kate, full of warm encouragement, affirmation of life's wonders and loving admonitions to be careful.

Think about the people who matter to you. This crisis is an opportunity to say what you've always wanted to say to those you love, to remember the important people from your life whom you may not see or hear from regularly, to reach out over the chasm of social distancing to touch another's heart.