tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post7536113694866287904..comments2024-03-15T22:00:36.095-07:00Comments on Dr. Kathy McCoy: Living Fully in Midlife and Beyond: When Adult Children Become StrangersDr. Kathy McCoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02903015507894951725noreply@blogger.comBlogger483125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-63904461731044188472024-02-01T01:44:29.802-07:002024-02-01T01:44:29.802-07:00❤️🙏❤️🙏Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-58628942908475427362024-01-07T05:31:29.603-07:002024-01-07T05:31:29.603-07:00WOW! What a great way to articulate the problem w...WOW! What a great way to articulate the problem without getting loud and angry about it (which would likely only make matters worse). I only wish that my ex had had the balls to do the same with my awful ex (thankfully) MIL and ex sister-in-law.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-64132660061958911992024-01-07T03:54:30.850-07:002024-01-07T03:54:30.850-07:00Me too!
Me too!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-25271344350713771082023-08-08T08:21:42.124-07:002023-08-08T08:21:42.124-07:00That is a slippery slope ...you moved in..what bil...That is a slippery slope ...you moved in..what bills do you have ? Do you pay for part of the utilities and mortgage for the house...do you have your own living space within the home or do you just have your bedroom .. there is a lot to consider. Also one is bound to start feeling resentment if you are doing all that extra stuff.. maybe you should stop doing it and let the maid do it .as she is getting paid to do it. But I would be careful about looking at everything your daughter is buying or how much they are pay someone else. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-59364615205141663262023-01-14T00:51:30.801-07:002023-01-14T00:51:30.801-07:00I have one Daughter 28 who lives five min. Away he...I have one Daughter 28 who lives five min. Away her husbands parents have both lived with them it’s the father now, I only see them maybe twice a month. Am invited over for dinner movie. She texts or calls on way to work but I feel my son in-law would like me gone for good! Now she is pregnant didn’t tell me until weeks after she knew, I <br />said it made me feel like a stranger caused argument now son in law is saying leave her Alone, his parents can cause a lot of stress moving them from state to state and other drama, I say how I feel and am told get lost! Have cried all night and want to move away. I could add a lot of other negative things would be a book. I don’t need my daughter but love her very much, it always feels like they are doing me a favor seeing me. Once baby comes will probably get worse, I am 64 with problems, all this stress and pain has made me sick. Not being able to say how I feel about anything is like walking on egg shells, I’m better off staying away. His father has had surgery back, his mother foot surgery, they were supportive with this, when I talked about having my hernia surgery my son in law made sure to say I needed to go home after a week with the message he didn’t want to help me so I never had it, these are two nurses, if they cared about me they would tell me to get if fixed even if it put them out! They spend two days a week at church, have lots of friends, I think leaving would be better for me. I am to hurt to keep this kind of relationship Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-76802158824786586242022-08-24T17:30:46.411-07:002022-08-24T17:30:46.411-07:00It’s 2022 and I feel exactly like this Mom. I fee...It’s 2022 and I feel exactly like this Mom. I feel so hurt and empty inside. I also was so very close to my parents as an adult child and loved my relationship with my mother. We spoke every day. I feel this awful emptiness inside and heartache. I often wonder what did I do wrong. I know that I need to move on with my life now because all of my children have but it’s very difficult and the hurt is horrible. I tried my best as a mother and was always there. I honestly feel like just moving far away. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-53468484410716650062021-04-22T14:28:41.539-07:002021-04-22T14:28:41.539-07:00To anon on April 10....totally correct. My EN pare...To anon on April 10....totally correct. My EN parents never gave anything to us kids and all of us were still chasing approval of some kind. I've thankfully given up.Emmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03658832877370347126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-82359137793409054682021-02-15T03:16:51.883-07:002021-02-15T03:16:51.883-07:00😲 WOW💡!!!!.
I have read each and every posts. ...😲 WOW💡!!!!. <br /> I have read each and every posts. I found myself / life circumstances at either the beginning, the middle, the end , and sometimes throughout all three within the paragraphs. <br />This whole reading experience has been nothing but a web of revelations in regards to my own family dynamics, Although I've learned so much, it made me realize that there's <br />1- So much I can do, <br />2- So far I can go , accounting for the things with in my control, which leaves me with <br />3- Take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally most importantly recognize the negative internal and external stressors, try to maintain a healthy balance ⚖️, anything beyond that, I think it'll be like going to space🚀 without a space suit or diving🤿 without a breathing apparatus. I am once again just self actualizing.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-42757403634518165032021-01-13T05:14:17.401-07:002021-01-13T05:14:17.401-07:00We are parents and we are also human. It sounds li...We are parents and we are also human. It sounds like you lived through an experience with your older daughter and wanted to do something different with your younger son. We live and learn. We try to be fair to all our children but sometimes that is misconceived because different children have different needs and personalities. Maybe if you try to explain this to your daughter, she may understand your actions. I have 4 children, all are different. I’m sure they think I favor one over the other sometimes. They are unaware of what is going on in each other’s lives. My oldest son is in his 4th year of college, has a girlfriend and has been very unconnected with us. My husband and I are concerned because he lost most of his friends since this girlfriend came into his life. My second son is totally connected to the family. He went away for the first time this past semester, and felt the need to call or FaceTime us every day. In this case, I think my oldest needs to mature. He needs to realize that he can have relationships outside his girlfriend. I’m hoping this comes in time. Also, I think he mistakes independence with disconnect. If he calls us, it is because he needs something. He is still dependent but doesn’t want to be. Maybe he feels resentment because of it. I don’t know. I understand this feeling because it’s a stage of life. I’m hoping that this will pass and he will some how realize that he can call because he cares about us, like we care about him. It can go either way, when he becomes truly independent he may not call at all, or he may see us differently. Parenting is difficult. We wait it out, hope and try to be supportive, all for the hope of a loving family. I feel your pain. Hang in there.Mom of Fournoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-7633396016037896282020-11-14T05:41:49.154-07:002020-11-14T05:41:49.154-07:00"Thank you! I’m so amazed right now! The fact..."Thank you! I’m so amazed right now! The fact that when he was so set on seeing me last night. He wouldn’t take no as an answer. He then told me he hasn’t been able to get me off his mind for a few days now and he woke up with a huge urge to text me and had the urge to see me. I knew it was the binding love spell because he’s very prideful. I am at awe! Like I can’t believe it. Last time we spoke he was upset and done with me and now he’s all looking for me and wanting me to talk to me. Thank you Dr Obodo ! Keep working your spell and for ,recommendation <br />contact info<br />templeofanswer@hotmail.co.uk<br />Whatsapp +234 8155 42548-1<br /><br />Thank you again!"<br />— STEPHANIE<br />JACKSONVILLE, NCBlogger+https://www.blogger.com/profile/16071690212313331490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-51616190612978037892019-12-22T11:09:07.805-07:002019-12-22T11:09:07.805-07:00are you kidding me.. "work to become the kind...are you kidding me.. "work to become the kind of parent that your child wants to spend time with" ?!? is that a joke? Let's all give the selfish, uncaring child a break.. after all ,, its all the parent's fault and the parent should do everything the adult child askes for.. give them money , time anything , but dont expect a simple phone call or an occasional visit. I have given up that my daughter will ever grow up and show any sort of affection for me. So I never get to see her children except the one that she disowned when she was 13 years old. At least I see her because she lives with her dad now. Bluesy51https://www.blogger.com/profile/04408507103772138611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-1006947364891074702019-11-18T05:50:26.722-07:002019-11-18T05:50:26.722-07:00U need to leave a kid $100. I am doing the same th...U need to leave a kid $100. I am doing the same thingHurt momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01939844859305384822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-90202407866251744002019-10-22T18:06:39.187-07:002019-10-22T18:06:39.187-07:00My husband and I seperated and in a short period o...My husband and I seperated and in a short period of time my ex sold our house and disappeared with the children ! I know I should never have left as mothers are not meant to! I fought for years to have access and always “ won” but contempt of Court always meant starting again! I’d had a breakdown and left when a psychiatrist we were seeing felt the children would cope well and to work on who would better able to afford the mortgage and to change as little as possible in the other areas of their lives. I had no where appropriate to live myself and access never went well both parents behaved badly<br />At times, the kids were abused by the step mother who was determined that the kids have no contact with me! They were brain<br />Eased into believing that I’d never even held them ( they were breast fed kids I know how much they were loved) I’m not disputing what i know isn’t true, I should never have left,<br />And some how found some where for us! A Psychiatrist once told me my children had suffered from a condition called “ parental alienation syndrome, put briefly they had NO positive memories of me only their father, it was as if these children were bought up by themselves, as in order for me to be a parent that locked them out of the house, and every negative horror you could imagine, but WHERE WAS THEIR FATHER? Supposedly he knew this and yet allowed it to continue by not being their himself! I’m not going into the reasons I believed, my severe depression and anxiety attacks were caused by the problems that had begun before even our first child ! I’ve cried myself to sleep for years, grieving for them! I’d be awarded guardian ship and retained custody for years, but what did that mean? I was rarely allowed to see them!<br />Again I KNOW Ishiuld never have left! The children were the only ones that mattered! Still I’m selfish enough to desperately want some contact any thing it’s over 30 years and I continue trying not family court any more of course their adults but even if I don’t see them I desperately need for them to know HOW MUCH THEY WERE LIVED and until today ! That they ever hurt is something I KNOW I deserve to be punished for them for every tear they cried! Other people still encourage them to have nothing to do with me! I lost my family in 2012 , mostly because of a family that changed parents wills, it’s all very common apparently but it’s not what I’m really talking about, except in relation to why the no contact continues! I’m not confrontational and fear drives me! My parents died recently and on the whole were the ones that always supported me! To lose those you once thought loved you is devastating! I’ve tried to ALWAYS do the right thing like caring for my Autistic nephew for 18 years, my brother when he was a teen for 5years,then again for 12 years after he seperated from his wife! I cared for another nephew for 4years, 2 zgrandaughters for ten years , and now a 7 year old Grandson for 4years now! I have many serious illnesses now, but I know the worse thing I ever did was leaving my husband! I know I’ll die without seeing these , my children ever again , but my families determination to ensure that they keep them away from me<br />Is more devastation than I can bear! I found another false FB account recently by nieces that I’d loved and I have no idea why!! I’ve photographed these false accounts but it’s my children that are encouraged to continue to believe that I was never interested in them!!!! I LOVE THEM ILL LOVE THEM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFEGOD,HOW I WISH THEY KNEW HOW MUCH THEY WERE AND STILL ARE!! Being used as the family scape goat is something I am angry about, they stole my mothers money and I know nothing of my Dads! A number of them owed my mother huge ammounts of money and her money from sales of land and her houses ! Now their assuring that I never tell any one! I don’t what’s the point but I wish the boys could have known more of the truth!!Brenda Stubbsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-13296421786978500852019-08-15T09:05:46.433-07:002019-08-15T09:05:46.433-07:00this is happening to me and it hurts and it is for...this is happening to me and it hurts and it is forever my son is brainwashed I gave up 5 yrs agoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-8650826757185083792019-04-24T14:10:41.742-07:002019-04-24T14:10:41.742-07:00Me too. You sound strong and healthy. This has jus...Me too. You sound strong and healthy. This has just happened to me and I have been suicidal Not sure life is worth living without them. Amy E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14650664365249804873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-52903634551298343872018-10-12T13:37:10.380-07:002018-10-12T13:37:10.380-07:00I see where the mother is going wrong in her think...I see where the mother is going wrong in her thinking, for her own happiness, but how does anyone know how she communicates with her son. And yes, I agree, the mother does deserve communication. That is NOT a lot to ask.Watthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04717912368174750810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-78886581632369527632018-04-24T23:05:20.454-07:002018-04-24T23:05:20.454-07:00Lady, I don't know if you'll ever read thi...Lady, I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I feel for you. Because my son also married a devil that set out to destroy our family and succeeded. There are evil women with no morals or conscience or sense of family that prey on innocent young men. I am going through the same thing. I'm sorry for your pain.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12881813651264570082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-47593440579592512752017-11-06T13:36:49.579-07:002017-11-06T13:36:49.579-07:00Thanks for posting this article. I'm a long
t...Thanks for posting this article. I'm a long <br />time reader but never been compelled<br />to leave a comment. I subscribed to your blog <br />and shared it on Facebook.<br /><br />Thanks again for the great postAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-28749197618486000262017-09-24T16:04:15.661-07:002017-09-24T16:04:15.661-07:00As a mother who is dealing with missing adult chil...As a mother who is dealing with missing adult children, I thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel that mine don't share with me how they really feel so your post almost gives me a glimpse into how they must feel at times. I'm sorry that you are depressed and hope you find some comfort and relief.Trustandseehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14972682467083463989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-28997903803431881242017-09-01T15:44:24.157-07:002017-09-01T15:44:24.157-07:00Today I made the hard choice to demand answers fro...Today I made the hard choice to demand answers from my adult children as to why they have ostracized me and that it was now or never to either start to repair or forever stay silent. I have to heal from this horror they have bestowed upon me. My mother is getting up in years and after she's gone I have nobody left. As I plan my final wishes I needed either them to start talking or I find friends who will take care of my small estate.<br />This generation does not understand in the end all you have is your family. Not your friends. Your friends don't care as much as family does and when you turn your back on those who love you dearly, you will die alone. My adult children have chosen to not have anything to do with me because of my son's ex-wife. I've never known such evil could shatter what I thought was a strong family. Maybe what I thought was strong was weak. It didn't seem that way, even looking back through the years. I love my children. My son hates me, my daughters hate me, and all I ever did was for them to be happy. My life was always about making sure they were safe, had fun and of course guidance along the way.<br />Their childhood was nothing like the nightmare I had to endure growing up. I never lied to them, I never degraded them, I always wanted them to be happy, be a child and grow into productive adults. Which I had done. Until I caught my DIL cheating on my son with some man. Me telling him shattered my whole family into a million pieces because she made up lies that they won't tell me. I told the truth. I was devastated by seeing this! How does one have such power to do that much damage in 3 months? Her mother is clinically crazy and behind this too. They have threatened my children with never seeing my son's child ever again if they even give her a birthday card from me! I am not to be brought up, I can't see her, I can't give her gifts.<br />It was time to put my foot down after 4 years and demand answers. If I don't get them, they will be disowned, I will change my number (not that they call) but I will erase them from my life by sending them all the stuff I've saved from them growing up, all pictures of them. I'll want them gone. For 4 years I've not told people that I have children or grandchild because when I say they won't talk to me it's "What did YOU do?"<br />It's all too heartbreaking. As the years pass by, the chance of repair becomes less likely. Already so much damage has happened I can't see it being repaired.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-33208530591689443272017-07-02T17:02:10.149-07:002017-07-02T17:02:10.149-07:00Blah, blah, we raised Brats. My door is always ope...Blah, blah, we raised Brats. My door is always open to my two daughters. Live your life and if they come back, let them in. <br />But live your life because they're living theirs. Be Happy! Momohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02733580775203444624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-78671563499263117012017-06-08T09:30:51.862-07:002017-06-08T09:30:51.862-07:00@ Anonymous, re: "Please help, is it me? What...@ Anonymous, re: "Please help, is it me? What am I doing wrong? I have only one mother and one daughter and neither one of them seems to like me much which is making me think it's me and I really just want to end it all right now." <br /><br />I'm not sure what you mean by "I really just want to end it all right now" - if you are having suicidal thoughts, please call the Crisis Hotline at 1-800-479-3339 and they have wonderful counselors there who can help you. But to answer your question, I don't think that this is your fault at all nor are you doing anything wrong; in fact, as I was reading your message I thought how much you are doing right. Unfortunately it sounds like your daughter is not as affectionate or caring towards her son as you know would be best for him, and you see that and it hurts, but the best thing for him in that situation is for you to be a loving presence in his life, which you have done and are continuing to do. That is the single most important thing that you can do, and you've been doing it already. Trying to change her attitude towards her son, or awareness of the issue, I would have guessed would be very difficult, and indeed it just blew up in your face, even with a relatively minor confrontation. That's what I would have suspected, though you shouldn't fault yourself for trying; now you know for sure that she cannot handle that kind of light being held up to her behavior (nor her husband). The research does suggest that kids with just one loving adult in their life fare really well even if they're not getting the love and attention from both parents as they deserve. Due to legal issues, you absolutely needed to apologize to your daughter even though perhaps it should have been the other way around, in order to see your grandkids and have that relationship with them. There again I thought as I was reading, that you did absolutely the right thing. So seriously you have done and are doing very well by your grandson. <br /><br />As to your observation that you aren't well liked by your mom and daughter, obviously you had no choice over who your mom was and there are many dysfunctional relationships in life which have nothing to do with us. You do have a little more of a responsibility in how your daughter turned out, but the factors that go into that are very very complicated and you don't control many of them, including genetics, our culture, other adults in her life that influenced her, and of course her own choices! To analyze that relationship more specifically, you'd have to see a therapist. Anyway, from my perspective you have been making very solid, good choices in the examples that you gave, so hopefully that was helpful to hear. As you are under a lot of stress from your relationship with your daughter and mom, just be sure to balance those tiring relationships out by spending plenty of time with good friends who fill you up and leave you energized, and like-wise if you have time for self-care activities. Good luck!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03149503511371513159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-11510722351239460992017-06-08T09:20:25.268-07:002017-06-08T09:20:25.268-07:00Swedee, sometimes we wish for things so long that ...Swedee, sometimes we wish for things so long that we avoid taking action on reality. If your daughter says "just ask" but then threw a "royal fit" when you actually did ask, then you are facing an even tougher situation because you already have trouble asking for money ("I could never ask for money for myself") AND she gives you a really hard time about it. But here is the reality: They have a lot of money or at the very least (if they are in debt) make extravagant spending choices, while you can't afford the dentist. yet you are working for them for free. That is a problem for your health that needs to be addressed (dentistry has an enormous impact on your overall health, for example). Your life should not be cut short in exchange for extravagant purchases by your daughter. You need to stand up for yourself and demand a salary from them. When you asked for the small amount of money and your daughter had a "royal fit", that would be a good time to explain to her that you can't afford to go the dentist and you are worried about your physical health as a result of not having enough money to pay the bills. If you need help with being more assertive and have the health insurance benefit for it, I'd also recommend seeing a therapist to help you with being assertive. You're wonderful just the way you are, but it might be nice to have that skill in those few times when you really really need it, such as this one. Good luck to you!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03149503511371513159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-53913895793345219142017-06-07T22:40:56.800-07:002017-06-07T22:40:56.800-07:00Well, I hope that by now, you have given up your m...Well, I hope that by now, you have given up your martyrdom and either found a way to move out, which isn't easy because there aren't affordable places to go, or stopped watching the grandchildren and doing the household chores. You say they owe you and then deny it. I hope you are back on track and living as an individual.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-33512549261661830442017-05-23T07:49:56.589-07:002017-05-23T07:49:56.589-07:00Thanks. I am having a hard time letting go of my c...Thanks. I am having a hard time letting go of my children in their twenties.they lived at home until 23and were supposed to go to college and start their lives.they worked too much and didn't study enough.one dropped out and thinking of going back to college.one is finally graduating,another in 2years,another in 3years.I have a 30 year old who never finished anything but has a loving boyfriend,he has a nice home and having a baby soon.I nagged my kids.<br />I now wished I had kept my mouth shut.they are angry with me.did not do any good.I feel sorry for myself because I don't see them much.they seem ungrateful. I've taken them on expensive vacations. I have to learn to live a new life.I miss them so much.its hard to let go.thanks for this site.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com