tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post201293469114891174..comments2024-03-15T22:00:36.095-07:00Comments on Dr. Kathy McCoy: Living Fully in Midlife and Beyond: When You're Married to a HermitDr. Kathy McCoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02903015507894951725noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-75343910107095298912022-08-18T09:35:23.726-07:002022-08-18T09:35:23.726-07:00Hi my hubby and I are early retirees and live abro...Hi my hubby and I are early retirees and live abroad. He doesn't phone his grown up kids unless it's their b.days whereas I text or speak to mine most days. We cannot speak the language and live in the countryside with no neughbours. It's 16 mile's from the nearest town. He is quite happy not to see anyone but it is getting me down as we meet up with other ex.pats occasionally but he's not bothered if we don't go. I've tried explaining how depressed I'm getting because of the everyday isolation. I cannot drive and there's no buses that come out where we live. I feel that this life is just a waiting game as he decides everything where we go when etc and I am just waiting for his instructions. I cannot return to the UK as I have no job and no house to go back to. He has always been quiet and not sociable but he's now becoming a hermit and I feel like I'm in a prison. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-74339386142902501442015-09-27T08:13:03.363-07:002015-09-27T08:13:03.363-07:00Excellent article! So many are so self absorbed th...Excellent article! So many are so self absorbed that considering the other person's feeling, thoughts, wishes... seem remote in this it's-all-about-me day and age. Years ago one of the many good books I read and that gave me great insight was Deborah Tannen's You Just Don't Understand. Give one a different perspective on life Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13160202493785166930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-50592178072154000702015-09-26T16:47:39.944-07:002015-09-26T16:47:39.944-07:00Good discussion. I think it's important for a ...Good discussion. I think it's important for a husband and wife to have a social life together, and then also a separate social life with some of their own friends. That way one can be more social than the other, and you don't get on each other's nerves. Good point about watching out for a change in behavior., P.S. I like Monty Python; but I dunno if I like them enuf for a 1 1/2 hr drive!Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08611148987085476580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-78660093704722918992015-09-26T15:50:21.424-07:002015-09-26T15:50:21.424-07:00Boy did this post hit home for me and my spouse. ...Boy did this post hit home for me and my spouse. In our relationship...I am the RECLUSE. I am perfectly comfortable puttering around the house, reading, watching Net flix...etc. My Soul Mate, on the other hand needs more stimulation.....so.....HE HANDLES the social calendar. I agree to go when he has arranged somethings and be happy doing it. Although, sometimes I just SHOW UP, SHUT UP AND WEAR BEIGE!! LOL LOL LOL<br /><br />xo<br /><br />JoMy Grama's Soulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10114089036939629527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-2245215227470773612015-09-26T14:22:04.714-07:002015-09-26T14:22:04.714-07:00Think you have great solutions for a common proble...Think you have great solutions for a common problem. When I was married, my husband either wanted to stay home or hunt with his buddies. I kept my friends to do the things I liked. It worked for awhile. We broke up for totally different reasons. Arkansas Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14156004753267665579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-77233838655371507692015-09-26T11:30:57.388-07:002015-09-26T11:30:57.388-07:00My husband and I have different social needs as we...My husband and I have different social needs as well. He is up and out in the early morning, and by 8 a.m., when I get up, he's back for a quiet day. I need one-on-one conversations with friends over lunch or coffee. We do well with this arrangement as long as I don't interrupt him when he's sitting at the dining room table working the crossword puzzle or reading the paper or napping.Linda Myershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05706455533282204519noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-25343914849301325292015-09-26T08:29:00.385-07:002015-09-26T08:29:00.385-07:00You always have such a good sense of perspective a...You always have such a good sense of perspective and so much wisdom. Thank-you for sharing it with us :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03149503511371513159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-85757695832316937372015-09-26T07:45:33.440-07:002015-09-26T07:45:33.440-07:00So many things you address in here relate to Rick ...So many things you address in here relate to Rick and me, though no one would accuse either of us of being social recluses! But we do have different interests and over the past nearly-20 years we have worked hard to figure out how to integrate those so we both win. Today is a good example. Here at the lake, I'd like if we went on a long color tour farther north where it's a bit brighter. But it's a flawless day and there won't be a lot of flawless days left for cycling, so Rick is doing his 100 miles. I will go to the farm market and maybe after, make a detour north to see what I can find. We'll have a lovely dinner together and all will be well. It's the same at home. We'll both go to each others' official functions but I am the quiet shy one when it's not my arena (contrary to popular opinion among those who think they know me). So, we pick and choose carefully. Meanwhile, there are the bike guys and the book club girls and seldom the twain shall meet. And somehow, we aren't quite sure how, but somehow, it works! <br /><br />Wonderful points made here, and important to mention when the rules change suddenly and one is out of character. Definitely something to be aware of!Jeaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17482528482559445943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-26727248261324644672015-09-26T00:44:00.695-07:002015-09-26T00:44:00.695-07:00Dr, McCoy, you've hit quite close to home here...Dr, McCoy, you've hit quite close to home here. My wife (since 1970) enjoys going out shopping and lunching with her friends while I satisfy my social needs with interactions in stores and other everyday crowds one encounters. Yet, where I would like to attend a class reunion, she would not. We've achieved some workable compromises in the past but I see we're going to have to keep at it. You give some excellent suggestions on how these adjustments can be made. Thanks! Geo.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16221314320558128986noreply@blogger.com