tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post1699772208578047063..comments2024-03-15T22:00:36.095-07:00Comments on Dr. Kathy McCoy: Living Fully in Midlife and Beyond: Sex, Politics and Religion: Navigating Holiday Table MinefieldsDr. Kathy McCoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02903015507894951725noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-55609173986909937122011-12-26T07:50:59.655-07:002011-12-26T07:50:59.655-07:00Wish I'd read this yesterday! Actually, it was...Wish I'd read this yesterday! Actually, it wasn't bad (Definitely not Molly-worthy!) but I was realizing my hostess skills of tact when I called one friend out to the kitchen during the midst of what sounded like a debate getting a tad testier, to ask him if he had seen the antique flour shaker for a pattern we both collected. I think the rest of the guests were relieved!<br /><br />I may print these guys out and stick them in my Christmas folder for next year! (Or maybe any holiday gathering!)Jeaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17482528482559445943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-71333533237139304042011-12-23T19:06:50.216-07:002011-12-23T19:06:50.216-07:00This is a very important post, which I feel I coul...This is a very important post, which I feel I could read from time to time. That`s how useful it is for anyone. You do a lot for the people who read your blog. Merry Christmas!Olgahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10652566920769043373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-43502436845267906232011-12-23T09:38:59.318-07:002011-12-23T09:38:59.318-07:00Thanks so much for your comments Rosaria, Perpetua...Thanks so much for your comments Rosaria, Perpetua, Barbara, Morrison, Shelly, Keicha, Jenny and Nezzy! And a very Merry Christmas to you all!<br /><br />Nezzy, thanks so much for your visit - and for telling us about a unique holiday tradition!<br /><br />Jenny, yes Cyndi did call him on his comments all the time and, of course, he'd always claim to be "just kidding." She has always stayed in touch and left the door open to communication. Bob and Miles ended their 22 year silence with each other by corresponding -- by letter and email -- last holiday season and are happy to be in touch again, though we haven't seen them. (They now live in Washington state and we live in Arizona.)Dr. Kathy McCoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02903015507894951725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-38319513613716947112011-12-23T07:29:06.388-07:002011-12-23T07:29:06.388-07:00This Ozark Farm Chick knows that old Ben Franklin ...This Ozark Farm Chick knows that old Ben Franklin knew of what he spoke when he said both fish and family go bad in three days! Heeehehehee!!!<br /><br />Avoid table minefields??? Heck, I just hold my breath...it's not a pretty sight! No, really we don't have much trouble here on the Ponderosa. The Alpha~Males take the rifles out and target shoot after a big meal 'round here. What can I say...it's tradition but it's gotta be a great stress reliever! :o)<br /><br />God bless ya, I'm lookin' forward to your guest interview over at Maggie's.<br /><br />MERRY CHRISTMAS YA'LL!!!Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise)https://www.blogger.com/profile/10175389676508928061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-75045576154074477212011-12-22T22:37:45.839-07:002011-12-22T22:37:45.839-07:00I'm one of those who does not enjoy debate at ...I'm one of those who does not enjoy debate at family gatherings, whereas my mother is a spirited debater. For years I misunderstood her intention, thinking she was just being contrary and rude. But she actually enjoys "arguments" and means nothing personal by them. I only came to understand this when our daughter grew up to be just like her grandmother! It hasn't changed my preference, and I don't participate, but I no longer get upset with my mother.<br /><br />What your brother-in-law did was incredibly cruel. Did his wife ever try to get him to see what he was doing?jenny_ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15475480579733466963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-28558349185471664132011-12-22T18:51:45.302-07:002011-12-22T18:51:45.302-07:00What a great post! I think what makes debates hur...What a great post! I think what makes debates hurtful, at least for me, is when comments and defending one's positions veers off into name calling and attacks. Debating issues on merits and facts is great. Calling people out for their point of view, however subtly, isn't. Sometimes in the heat of a spirited discussion I think people say things without thinking, not realizing the long-term consequences. <br /><br />Barbara F. above makes a great point. People don't have to give up their beliefs, simply listen to another's. I'll try to remember that this holiday season during family visits.O-town Ramblingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12462693501650732288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-80387025909916273462011-12-22T18:15:11.558-07:002011-12-22T18:15:11.558-07:00Once again, you have provided golden tips on how t...Once again, you have provided golden tips on how to get through the holidays with sanity and family intact. Thank you for always being so caring and informative! Hope your holidays are wonderful and drama free.Shellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04930262815304757150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-27332175860506817582011-12-22T18:10:20.478-07:002011-12-22T18:10:20.478-07:00I try not to discuss political anything in my home...I try not to discuss political anything in my home when the family is over. Same with religion.<br /><br />I have nothing to say or discuss.<br /><br />I do, however, say a prayer of grace before each meal. Those who don't want to, simply remain silent.<br /><br />Silence is golden.<br /><br />I learned the hard way that it just isn't worth a penny to fight with loved ones. Everyone is entitled to live however they seem fit. I welcome everyone into my home. I want everyone to feel relaxed, un-judged and at ease when they come here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-16057194599365793942011-12-22T12:49:59.375-07:002011-12-22T12:49:59.375-07:00It is too bad people are so close-minded and won&#...It is too bad people are so close-minded and won't listen to each other. They don't have to give up their beliefs, but simply listen to another's. Families sound like Congress. Open conversations lead to learning somethingBarbara Ferrellhttp://www.barbaraferrell.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-55566243777427114352011-12-22T12:15:56.634-07:002011-12-22T12:15:56.634-07:00Great advice, Kathy. Knowing the difference betwee...Great advice, Kathy. Knowing the difference between a recreational fight and a serious one is the key, I think. My father hated what he called arguments, so I try to keepthe peace as I learned to do back then. I mostly succeed. :-)Perpetuahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01214396019726161983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-44339197780658372362011-12-22T10:07:40.521-07:002011-12-22T10:07:40.521-07:00Excellent advice, as usual! My Hubby enjoys a good...Excellent advice, as usual! My Hubby enjoys a good repartee at gatherings, and though older, he's still sanguine about certain issues. Needless to say, he wouldn't change for anyone!<br /><br />Fortunately, the people with whom he would disagree vehemently live far away and don't visit often.Rosaria Williamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03133147851332084180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-66591941086018681492011-12-22T08:47:56.354-07:002011-12-22T08:47:56.354-07:00Thanks so much for your comments, Sally, Anna and ...Thanks so much for your comments, Sally, Anna and Patti! It's true that nothing quite livens up a family holiday like a good debate or recreational fight! My Father and Aunt Molly were the experts in our family -- and their battles became a permanent part of family lore. And the "burning bush" fight as it came to be known, was one of our favorites! These kinds of holiday skirmishes are part of the celebration. It's the hurtful variety of conflict that needs to be avoided.Dr. Kathy McCoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02903015507894951725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-180957245523141712011-12-22T05:45:27.252-07:002011-12-22T05:45:27.252-07:00Sorry but I really enjoyed the account of the batt...Sorry but I really enjoyed the account of the battle between Aunt Molly and your dad, probably because I wasn't there.<br />I grew up with a master debater, my dad. There was no way you could win and often you would find your self vehemently defending his position which was the opposite of where you started. Only strangers tried, family members had all learned the futility.Arkansas Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14156004753267665579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-38247619619879767262011-12-22T05:42:07.449-07:002011-12-22T05:42:07.449-07:00I love the debate/discussion around the holiday ta...I love the debate/discussion around the holiday table and in my household it is all done with lively humour.<br /><br />Luckily (?)) we are isolated geographically from our more humbug relatives - so tension is absent through their absence.<br /><br />Nevertheless, Christmas is (or was) a time of goodwill and the more grumbly humbug relatives would be more than welcome.<br /><br />Love the "He snorted in disgust. "Goddam Hollywood judo!" he muttered.<br /><br />In an instant, Aunt Molly was on her feet. "Can't you leave the Jews out of anything?" she yelled. " (Brilliant misunderstanding!)<br /><br />Have a wonderful Christmas!<br /><br />Anna :o]hyperCRYPTICalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11967085628384237933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7754684819908801536.post-73298280534826733622011-12-21T22:01:41.532-07:002011-12-21T22:01:41.532-07:00You should come to my house sometime. My kids are...You should come to my house sometime. My kids are very good at taking opposing views and fighting quite well over them. They do it in good humor though. For that I am grateful. They were taught to be independent thinkers, but at times I wish I had encouraged group think a bit more. :)<br /><br />They were also taught respect and love, and none of them show disrespect for opposing views, but the discussions can be very intense. It seems as they get older they are all leaning a bit more in the same direction.Sally Wesselyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06470453773515491625noreply@blogger.com